I write to ease my soul, to calm my mind and to reach out into an empty space so vast my problems and issues and joy and love can't possibly fill it all. I write to find myself again. When I feel I know who I am, when I am at ease with myself, my world seems more at ease with me in it.
Problems do not disappear. I could lose 50 more lbs (though that would be too much!) and the problems that existed when I was 205 lbs. would still exist. By losing weight I am not running away, I am not giving up on my demons, I am facing them head on. I know life continues whether I'm fat or not. How I choose to live that life, fat, fit or in between is what's important.
I write to remind myself of the times I stumble down this journey of mine. I write to remember the triumphs and the upsets. I write to let people, and myself, know that we are not alone. This is a journey only you can do, this is a journey people can walk with you, but they cannot walk for you. But with a community around us we can get back up if we falter and fall. We can reach out to hear a friendly voice when nothing else seems friendly and we can vent to people who will not tell us to just get over it. I will not get over it. I will get through it. One step at a time.