Thursday, October 14, 2010

Cookie monster

To eat the cookies or not to eat the cookies, that is the question.

Well, the answer is I ate them. I ate them and I liked it, hah! So, tmi, I'm pmsing. Bad. Worse than I have in many months. I attribute the lessening of the PMS to the fact that I've lost weight and I've been eating better. My cravings aren't as bad, my mood swings are slightly more stable (sorry SO!) and honestly, that bloating thing? (all the ladies out there know what I'm talkin' 'bout) has been much better. But I ate the cookies.

I had cookie dough I pulled out of the freezer fully intending to bake and bring to work a few days ago. In my state of doing nothing because of the sickness it's sat in the fridge for a couple days now. Instead, I made two giant cookies - really the equivalent of four - and at them with relish and glee, savoring each bite. For those of you who are trying not to eat cookies, I am very sorry. But I had to do it. There was nothing else I wanted. I had eaten fruits and vegetables all day (and forgot lunch, wups, my bad) and so I ate cookies at four in the afternoon. Then I went to bed. Sleep? No. A fifteen minute nap was all I was allowed until 10 p.m. when exhaustion overtook my brain, but I tried.

Mr. Sandman, why do you leave me so forlorn?

So, while I know that two large cookies are not the best for me, I'm not considering it a failure. I felt much better after the cookies. I didn't turn to them out of comfort or boredom, I went to them because it's what I wanted. Maybe with all my fruits and veggies I haven't been getting enough good fats, maybe it was the sodium, maybe my body just likes chocolate and now considers it one of it's necessary food groups, who knows. The point is, I didn't binge 3,000 calories of cookies. I didn't binge more calories that what I would have had for supper. Was it fully satisfying for my body? Probably not. Do I regret it? No. Will I let it happen again, maybe, maybe in three or four more months. Definitely not tomorrow, but as something that happens every now and then instead of every day, I'm considering being a cookie monster for one night a win.

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