I was in a foul mood the other night. Just ask the SO. Nothing was wrong other than the fact that I was tired. Overwhelmed by so much to do at work. Planning, committees and meetings, and getting everyone what they needed when they needed it, and that was the extra stuff, I had all my regular work on top of that!
So I'm at home. I'm making a supper I don't want to eat and I'm not hungry. Mood getting fouler. Then the SO says he's not hungry. Well, I'm not hungry either, so why am I making this? Why are we even planning on eating. I snap a little. Not horrible, not nice either. Then go and get my PJ's on. I sat down for a minute and thought about my evening. I could go to bed. But it's just after 6 p.m. I could watch TV. I like TV. I could watch TV while I work out on my wonderful treadmill.
And I did. I got up and switched my PJ's for work-out clothes. Pulled on socks and strapped myself into my running shoes. That was it. No whining. No trying to talk myself out of it. I just did it. One hour later I stopped. I felt amazing. I had walked for twenty minutes and then ran a good, steady pace (which, btw, for me is super slow) for thirty-five minutes. Without stopping. And I loved it.
I was just going to run during the commercials and then walk during the show on TV. But when I started, I could feel my mood lifting. My head and body felt ten pounds lighter. And three minutes turned into thirty-five. It's what has been missing. I miss feeling that good. I miss feeling like my body is this machine that I haven't reached the limits of. I can do so much more than I give myself credit for. I just forget.
When I came back upstairs the SO asked if I felt better and I couldn't put enough exuberance into it. It was a resounding "Yes!" He didn't ram down my throat the fact that I hadn't been particularly nice just one hour before. He just was happy I felt better (and that I wouldn't be jumping down his throat in the near future). He even made us supper then, not the eggplant parmesan I had planned, we'll have that another night, but such a good meal. One we both wanted. One we both were hungry for.
It's amazing what exercise does for me. I know this and yet I push it to the side. I claim I'm too tired or too busy or too this or that. In reality, exercise really does help keep me sane, literally. With darkness coming faster and staying longer, I know I need to keep my wits about me to not sink into the mild depression I know so well. I know I struggle, I know exercise helps. I just need to do it. It's not just for my physical healthy, but my mental health as well.