Friday, October 29, 2010

Being fat in public

Ignored. Invisible. Long sideways glances.

People think of you as jolly. Always happy. You have to be happy, what else do you have to offer?

I hate it. I hate the looks. I hate being ignored. I hate the perception that people who are larger have to be happy, compliant. The moment they rock the boat they are looked at with even more annoyance and impatience than 'normal' people.

I am a fun, bubbly person who is also, ironically, pretty shy around strangers. My exuberance comes out more because I want people to like and accept me. Just because I have an extra roll around my middle doesn't mean I will roll over and take a kick in the gut. No. Thanks.

I just think it's interesting how things change. Now, over 30 lbs. lighter, I get looks I wouldn't have gotten a year ago. I'm far from my goal weight, but already things have changed. I'm acknowledged. People will make eye contact with me on the street. I even got some catcalls. I feel proud of how far I've come and how much happier I am. The SO will definitely agree. I still weigh more than when we met, but I'm so much more confident. Maybe six years together does that to a person. Anyway. I was reading this article.

The writer says:"(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there's plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)"

I want to say Bite. Me. I know in the end, it's as simple as calories in, calories out, and moving more on top of it. But it's not that simple. If it really was that simple in my head I would be a normal weight. I would have no problem getting my butt off the couch and out the door or down the steps to get a run in. Part of it is choosing to be healthy, but I'm pretty sure no one wakes up and says, 'Oh boy. For a change, I would like to be obese. Really obese. I think that would be swell.'

In my case, I wish I had more willpower. More willpower to say no to the Rice Krispie treat I just ate. Yes, I'll count it in my calories, but why did I feel the need to eat it at all? What's the point? I eat tons of fruits and veggies. I eat better portions that I used to. My life has changed, but it's still so hard sometimes. Right now it's hard. But just because I'm "overweight" doesn't mean that I should be ignored. I am a person and I deserve recognition. I'm fun, entertaining, sad sometimes. But I do have feelings. Don't ignore me or toss me aside or tell me it's my fault I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I'm trying to do something about it. My weight can change. Hopefully your idiocy can, too.

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