Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Get over yourself

I was on vacation this past week and I had to do just that, get over myself. My family and I were at Okoboji in Iowa. It's a lake. A beautiful lake. At lakes, most people swim, tan, tube (or ski) and ride in boats. In most of those things you wear a swimsuit. I had two choices, wear regular clothes the whole time and participate in boat rides but nothing else, or wear a swimsuit and have a grand old time.

Which do you think I did?

And OH did I have fun. I went swimming for hours each day we were up there. I went tubing in the cold cold water - the water in the lakes is from a glacier - and I went out on the boat all of the time and didn't have to worry about getting my regular clothes wet.

My dad and the SO and I all lined up behind a pole on the docks. We were joking about trying to hide, because none of us are small. I honestly don't think you can see my dad. We laughed our butts off about that. Oh, the fun I would have missed out on just because I would be too worried that people would make fun of me in a swimsuit, that they would think I looked disgusting. They are my family! Man, if I can't be in a swimsuit in front of them who can I be in a swimsuit in front of?

I would have missed out on hours of activity, hours of laughter, and hours of pleasure just being beautiful 'ol me! I had a decision to make when I went on vacation. Am I going to let my fat continue to control me? Am I going to let myself miss out on activities that might help keep me more fit, not to mention the fun that went along with them because I was ashamed of myself? Uhm, no. I didn't think so.

I will not miss out on life because I think I'm too big to enjoy it. I will not miss out on fun because I think I'm too big to participate. Isn't that what this whole healthy trip is about? I'm changing my life, I'm changing my attitude. I will not be controlled by what I have left to lose. If someone had a problem seeing me in my suit, well, they can look the other way. I wanted to live my life and not worry about what SOMEONE ELSE who I probably don't even KNOW thinks about me. The fat-haters cannot control me anymore. My perception of myself is done, through, finito.

When I decided to put on my suit I just reminded myself that I am amazing. I am me and I should love myself for that. Yes, I am not a size two beauty queen in a suit. I may never be. Do I love the way I look? No, I never said that. Am I done letting it control me? Heck yeah.

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