Friday, December 3, 2010

Day-to-day struggles

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves,
and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” 
~Agnes Repplier

 Struggling is never easy. It's not easy to admit, because I'm proud. It's not easy to do because I like to do everything 'right.' It's just a Debbie downer. While I'm doing much better than I was a month ago, I know I can do more. Mostly because it's that time of year and goodies abound. I'd have to say I'm doing ok. At Thanksgiving with my family - which was amazing - I partook, but I didn't really overindulge. I was pretty proud of that fact. I did taste almost everything, but it was one or two bites worth of food instead of a heaping serving, and though I left stuffed after onetoomany pieces of Grandma's apple pie, I had rationed my food through the day just so I could indulge and not feel guilty. Okay, I still felt guilty, but about 90% of what I would have felt otherwise.

Exercise is going pretty well and I'm pleased with that. Wednesday I absolutely did not want to face the treadmill.I had been at work since 5:30 a.m., came home for a moment after work to gather coupons and write out my shopping plan, and then I didn't get home again until 4:15 p.m. Ugh. I was still supposed to get a workout in, make supper and get to a gathering around 8 p.m. to send off a coworker, the jerk is leaving us. As the SO came in the door from work I was seriously contemplating skipping it altogether. But I couldn't. 

Down I went. Good it was. It's even better now that we have cable on all our televisions. The satellite hadn't been working in the basement for over a month, not very motivational when sometimes the television - and my focus on it - can get me through a workout when no amount of willpower can. But I turned to the Simpsons and their comedic antics were enough to get my blood racing. My walk turned into a walk/run and suddenly I had more energy, more oomph! I love it.

I never thought I would be one of those people who liked to exercise. While I don't necessarily love the actually exercise I can't argue with how it makes me feel. I feel alive, happy and vibrant. I love feeling vibrant. And so I continue to struggle. I'm succeeding in my struggle, but I feel one step away from a fall. I figure as long as I can get through Christmas relatively unscathed I can count it as a victory. That's one more notch in my belt to get me through the next month, and the next month, until this thing I feel like I'm playing at because more a part of my life than other. Until then, here's to the treadmill.

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