Trouble with more

So, in my last post, you know how I said I did pretty good at portion control? Well, I don't know what has happened but in the last three days that went out the window. Maybe it didn't go out the window, maybe since I'm tracking my food again (yay me) I'm just realizing that my portions have gotten out of control in the last few months. I'm not necessarily eating to gain, but I'm eating to maintain. That's not great when I still have over twenty pounds left to go (maybe thirty!)


But I'm hungry. Super hungry. I had oatmeal with pomegranate seeds about two hours ago and my stomach is calling for more. Add to that that I've been drinking my coffee and water, my stomach should be full, I'm a little disappointed. I know I've upped my workouts. I did an hour of walking yesterday for my off day from running. I ran for forty minutes the day before that. Today is an off day, maybe, we'll see, as I ease back into the hardcore exercise.

I'm trying to eat filling, sustaining, low-calorie food and I think I need some more. I have a banana that I can pull out of my lunch bag, then beef stroganoff for lunch. I just like to try to hold off on lunch because if I eat it too early (like at 8 a.m., which is what I want to do right now) I crave more food before supper.

So, part of my hunger I'm pushing off on exercise more, but part of my eating, I think I'm a little scared. And I'm sabotaging myself.

I've lost over thirty pounds. I'm at least halfway to my goal. I'm not crazy happy where I am right now but I am pretty content. I know I look better than I have in a long time. Now I'm just questioning if I have the spirit and motivation to make it the rest of the way. The first half wasn't easy, but it really wasn't that hard either. The weight came off at a decent pace, I changed a lot of things, so I ended up losing weight just because I started exercising. I started eating better. Now I need to do more. Just eating better won't keep me at the same weight-loss level I was before. Just working out won't allow me to see the results I've become accustomed to. I need to do more.

More is a little harder for me. Instead of running three days a week with some light activity in between, I need to run, have moderate activity and start lifting. Instead of just eating more vegetables, which in turn had me eating less fatty meat and fewer starches, I need to organize my meals so they give me the energy I need to maintain my exercise schedule while keeping me full and allowing me the creativity and variety I personally need in cooking.

I just feel like it's getting so hard. I want to keep doing this, I want to win. But my resources are dwindling. I can't afford to hire a trainer and I can't afford to hire a nutritionist, but I want this, and so I keep at it, but I feel like I'm getting lackluster results. I'm back on the wagon after a little failure. Does anyone have a piece of leather so I can strap myself to the seat?