Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I cried

Yesterday I talked about how I was disappointed that in almost a week I had only lost one pound. Well today I have to burn my words. I just stepped on my wii to do some of the exercises on it and I weigh 201. I actually just looked at it, looked at that number and tears came to my eyes.

I have lost four pounds in just over one week. This means that if I keep it up, next week I well be below 200 lbs. Somewhere I never hope to be again.

We all have goals, we all have points that we want to pass. Sure, I hope to lose 50 lbs by my birthday next year. But my first goal is to step on the scale and weigh less than 200 lbs. I never wanted to be above 200 lbs. Heck, I never wanted to be above 170 lbs. And next week, if I continue the hard work that I've been doing I will be. That's why I cried. Because today, even though my thighs burn from the lunges I did yesterday, even though I was craving a cinnamon roll yesterday and turned it down even though I REALLY wanted it, today I am closer toward my first goal.

As of right now I didn't even start the exercises on the wii. I wanted to sit down and write, immediately, about how this exact moment made me feel.

It made me feel proud of myself.
It made me feel like I'm heading in the right direction.
It made skipping out on the cinnamon roll COMPLETELY worth it.
It made me feel like I can keep going.
It made me happy, because I know that now I really am moving toward being healthy, I'm not just playing at it.

As I say this I have mini blueberry pies in the oven to bring to work tomorrow for my birthday treat. So I hope that this can push me through my day. That instead of possibly gorging on five of them later maybe I'll let myself have half of one (one whole one probably equals a piece of pie). This is part of my motivation, part of my sense of self. That blueberry pie is not going to make me nearly as happy as seeing those four pounds gone did. I will enjoy half of one, because I know I'm not a poor baker and it is something I love to do. But I know that it's not all of me or all I can do.

I feel like I'm becoming me again.

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