Monday, September 6, 2010

Letting go

Letting Go by Leslie Bricusse
Letting go. When the day comes that I must say goodbye to you, It's the last thing in life I'll ever want to do, I know it has to be, But it's so hard for me.
Letting go. Facing up to the truth that it is time to part. Giving way to the day that may well break my heart. It's not a thing I choose. To win, I have to lose.
Letting go. Moving on in my life into the time to come. Day by day. Page by page, sure of what I've become.
But then you always knew, that's what I had to do.
For I know, the only way to grow, is just by letting go...
Letting go. When the time comes I know I will return someday. But till then, this is when I have to find my way. It's a fact of life, though it isn't fair. There will always be all the love we share ...Still the hardest thing, is letting go... The hardest thing is letting go...
This is a song I sang my last year in grade school. To me, the melody is hauntingly beautiful and it epitomizes how I feel about relationships of any kind that come to an end. The only difference between the good and the bad ones is that hopefully we don't return to the bad ones.
Sometimes I lament my lost friends. People who I still love dearly and hardly ever see or fail to keep in touch with. I know we really haven't lost each other. When we reconnect it feels like we've always been together, but my time with them is precious and sparse. I also think about the people I have chosen to part ways with over my years. I'm not an old woman by any means, but this number is higher than I want it to be.Sometimes we both just changed and grew apart, other times it was something, a specific incident that occurred and now, now we barely - if ever - speak.

I have a hard time letting go of people. I want to believe in happily ever afters and in friendships that will always stand the tests of time. The truth is people change. People's lives change and time and energy are valuable resources for us all. We choose where to spend that energy and who to share our time with. We prioritize and, cold as it sounds, cuts must be made.

When I choose to workout in my scheduled time slot instead of meeting someone for lunch (psshh, like I ever go out for lunch, but let's pretend) that is me prioritizing. Choices are hard. It's easier to give in, to stay in a bad relationship with others and yourself. When I choose to disconnect myself from someone who is purely a negative influence on my life, that is me prioritizing. I choose my health, mental and physical, because if I don't do it for myself, other people won't necessarily intercede on my behalf. I need love and family and friends, but I don't need interlopers and instigators who have nothing but their own gain on their mind. 

Hopefully some of those people that don't fit in our lives (or in whose lives we no longer fit) do come back around. We reconnect, sing songs of merriment and joy and give each other big big hugs. It's always my hope.

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