Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Challenge me

I love having goals to meet. I hate not meeting goals. When I aim for something and fail, I feel like I'm a failure no matter how far I've come sometimes. But, as we mark the halfway point in our BLC challenge, I've learned that even though I feel like I haven't accomplished much sometimes it's a lie.

In six weeks I have lost over nine pounds.

In six weeks I have lost over seven inches off my bust, my waist and my hips.

How can I not be proud of this? How can I not cheer when a pair of pants that were SUPER tight three months ago, honestly that I never wore anymore because I hated how they dug into my waist terribly, fit comfortably, if not a little loose. Btw, I wore those same pants to work today. How can I not shout out loud when I finish my 3.5 mile course of RUNNING. How can I not smile when I climb the three levels of stairs to my office at work and I'm hardly (if at all) out of breath? I just need to think a little sometimes and see how far I've come on my weight loss journey.

This past week I lost 1/2 pound. I sighed a little when I saw that this morning. But then, guess what? It was still a loss. I didn't gain, I didn't even maintain - which I would have been happy with - but I lost 1/2 half of a pound. If you lose 1/2 pound every week, that's still two pounds a month. That's 24 pounds in a year. If I lose 24 more pounds I will be skinnier than I have since I graduated college. Since I graduated high school! Chances are I will lose more than 24 pounds, or at least lose it faster than in one year.

Was it easy? Sometimes. Sometimes not. What was easy was eating the food that I buy to put in the fridge. What was easy was buying things from a list I put together that I know I'll eat and I know is good for me. What was easy was measuring a cup of mashed potatoes for my plate. Four ounces for my meat, and almost all the vegetables I could ever want. I wasn't hungry. I didn't starve myself or deny myself. I ate sensibly. If I really wanted McDonald fries I had them, a small, and mostly only 1/2 of that. What was easy was putting foods into my calorie counter and seeing how it added up. Each of these, one by one, was easy. Putting them together took a little bit of effort, but once I started with one thing to do, and then gradually added others, it still was easy.

What wasn't easy? Getting my butt out the door to run the two miles, then three, now three and a half miles that I had in front of me. But once I was out that door, oh it was amazing. Once I was home and I had sweat dripping down my brow and a smile on my face it was always worth it. When I went downstairs to stairstep and watch 'Friends' on DVD it wasn't always easy. I laughed as I stepped. Afterward I always feel great. I have never finished working out and then said 'I really wish I wouldn't have done that.' When I do my 30 Day Shred, yes, I want to scream at Jillian sometimes. But I'm never sorry when I'm done.

What wasn't easy? Not eating when I would have before. Not eating from boredom or sadness or loneliness. Not going to those M&M's I keep in the cupboard for baking and eating them just to put something in my mouth. But it was easy to make a cup of tea instead. Something for my mouth, something for my stomach and something warm to warm me up.

Choices are both easy and hard. But choices are what the last three months in my life have been about. I have chosen to be healthier. I have chosen to be fitter and I have chosen to change my life forever. Now I'm asking you to challenge me. Challenge me to something. Whatever you see fit. I may fail, I may not meet my goal, but that's one more thing that I think I need to get over. If I never fail I don't think I will ever learn how beautiful it is to succeed.

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