Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Never going back

I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath.
I didn't want to play with the cats because it meant I had to move.
I couldn't run around with my nephew, especially when he can kick a ball now.
I didn't want to go out on the weekend. Nothing looked cute on me and I might not be able to sit down at the bar. There was no way I would stand all night.
I kept buying bigger and bigger sizes.
I kept feeling worse and worse.
I didn't like myself much anymore.

I'm not going back to that. I'm not going back to mindless eating when I had issues I really needed to deal with. I won't go back to the hate I spoke about myself when I needed to love myself more than ever. I refuse to give up on myself like I gave up on myself then, without even realizing it. I cannot let this bright and bubbly person go into hiding again. I missed me. I never realized how much I missed me, but I am so glad to have myself back.

I am vibrant. I am cheerful, I am happy and now it's not a facade. I love my life. I love that the SO and I talk about going kayaking and hiking and choosing meals and foods that compliment our lives. I love that my family is getting healthy all on their own, one step at a time. I love that my life is changing, constantly evolving. I cannot explain how I feel inside. The energy and love the bubbles when I think about the health that awaits us. I cannot wait, but I will never rush it. So much is ahead of us, just around the bend. Right in front of us. Right now.

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